Zero-Trash Movement’s Success Hurts Berkeley’s Bottom Line

Dear diary,

You know my favorite way to start anything that I write? I write about me. “I’m” is awesome. So here goes:

I’m proud of my trash can. Maybe that makes me retarded. It holds just 20 gallons. But I keep wondering if I can do better. I could go down another 10 gallons. I would do it if I knew I’d get another break on my refuse collection bill from Waste Management of Alameda County. Because I’m nothing but a cheap slut masquerading as environmentally conscious.

I could be part of a problem – a problem that I won’t bother to define since even I don’t understand the nonsensical gibberish that I puke through my keyboard.

In Berkeley, one of the few cities that still does its own garbage pickup, a parallel push to smaller trash cans has led to an 8 percent revenue decline, which in turn contributes to the city’s $10 million revenue shortfall, reports Matthai Kuruvila in an article in the newspaper against which I was hired to compete. But lacking any skills, I’ll just plagiarize said competitor. It doesn’t seem like anybody in New York is paying attention, so who gives a shit. Is this the price of progress? Or a signal that it’s time to rethink the economic incentives that work too well?

Please allow me to disgracefully recap the reporting of my competitor for you, with plenty of narrative about my irrelevant life to entertain my relatives and any other losers who assumed that this blog site would contain new news. Oh, and if you think that I have the nous needed to answer the odd hypothetical question, ‘Is falling trash collection revenue a signal that it’s time to rethink the economic incentives that work too well?’ Then you’d be wrong. Any thinking person knows that the city could just start charging more for trash collection, but I’m no thinking person. Just a plagiarist.

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